Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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