i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize