Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
