white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
