she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
