Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
