I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize