I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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