This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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