we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
