she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
