I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize