And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
