I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
