i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
