Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
