My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize