the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
