i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize