for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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