I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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