hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
