You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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