two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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