this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I supernannyed him into submission
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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