GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
