I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
