What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
