I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
