they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
