I'm drive I can fine osifer
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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