walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
