You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
