We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
