You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
