you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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