3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
