I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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