i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
