my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My cat gives me a boner
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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