You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
