you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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