some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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