Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
