I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
