Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
