I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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