I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
