I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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