Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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