I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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