last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
