You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
