Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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