you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
