i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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