6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize