I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
