I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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