Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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