I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
