He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
