I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
