Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
