He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize