I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
