My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
