I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
