Can Purell be used as lube?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
