I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
