he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
