i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
