So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She told me I should be a condom model.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
