Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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