My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
