Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
