I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
