Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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